Rollercoaster.

Do you know those certain instances when one minute you're way above the clouds and then the next minute, you feel like you're falling at a rapid pace in a downward spiral? One minute you're glowing with cheerfulness, thriving with optimism and the next minute you're cracking at the edges and shattering into a million pieces?

It's amazing how that happens-- that sudden change in mood, sudden drop in adrenaline. And what's more amazing is that the thing that caused you to be all giddy and cheerful and happy, is the same thing that's threatening to tear you apart-- that it's the same thing that's causing you pain and sadness and hurt. The thing here is, even if it gives you extreme happiness and bliss, it also has the power to destroy you. Because it's something you value, it's something you hold close to your heart and you feel that without this, well you can still survive but you wouldn't be alive. And there lies a great difference between merely surviving, breathing, and living, thinking, feeling. I think no one wants to just survive, they want to live.

It's hard to live with something, though, that's completely unstable. It's hard to live with something you're completely unsure of, something that you have uncertainty regarding how strong your grasp is-- something that can vanish with a blink of an eye or more painful, something that you see you're losing slowly, something that you is is apparently slipping away. But still you live with it, because no matter how much pain you're feeling, you forget that with even just one moment of happiness. Herein lies the root of confusion on whether you should hold on, struggle to keep it in your grasp because it makes you happy, or let go because the pain's not worth that small flicker of joy.

So when this happens, how do we cope?

Do we let go of what hurts us even when it's the same and only thing that makes us the happiest we can be? Or do we keep holding on and just keep on hoping that things will eventually get better as it always does? Do we ignore the squeezing feeling in our chest, the pain that that thing costs us?

And if we choose to hold on, is it worth it? When we value something so great that our lives slowly start to entangle itself in that thing's existence, shouldn't we also question whether we're of equal importance? Isn't that a factor that should affect our decision? Knowing whether our value is just as great as its value to us? If we're holding on, but they're not even making the slightest effort to keep us in their grasp, wouldn't it be just a waste of effort? Isn't it a lost cause if we're doing it alone? Wouldn't it be painful, knowing that they don't value you enough-- that they could let you go so easily? Doesn't it hurt knowing that they see you falling apart, but still they don't do anything about it? Wouldn't you feel like you're the only one who cares?

I do.